Being Too Available
The challenges of parenting While Working from Home
Being a parent is a selfless act. If you are not used to sacrificing aspects of your life, you will experience that first-hand when you become a parent. And this will hit you fast! Your sleep will be compromised, and your schedule around hobbies, work, and other activities will have to be adjusted.
Besides that, most of us have experienced some degree of trauma during our upbringing that we would like our children to avoid. Therefore, we become more caring and looking to spend every spare moment with our kids.
Giving your attention to children and building a connection with them is essential in their upbringing. We want to make them feel heard, respected, understood.
But if you consistently work from home, as most of us have been for the last couple of years, you may appear "too available" for your children. You're right there, in the next room. If they have a question, they can always come and ask. If your significant other is also at home, they might ask you to help with things around the house.
If you're like me, it is hard to say "no" to your family sometimes. You don't want to be rude and don't want to make them feel bad. But being "there" all the time and assisting at the drop of a hat can lead to bad performance in your responsibilities, whether it's studies, work, or other.
For me, the performance at work started to struggle. The team was supportive at first but then, with time, started becoming irritated. This is where it became clear to me that the essential things will only get done if I work on them.
Here is a list of learnings that could help you set healthy boundaries with your family and communicate the importance of your work:
1. Set your priorities straight
Understanding your goals and priorities is the foundation. This is your "why". Without this, all other steps are useless. Do you need to earn money for your family to survive? Or is your spouse making enough and is completely fine with you not working and spending more time with children?
If you are not confident about your choice, you may not get the support required. On the other hand, if you know your "Why," the rest will be much easier to accomplish.
2. Agree on your schedule with your spouse
Being on the same page and respecting each other's boundaries with your significant other is the base of a successful family life. Be respectful and caring, but set clear expectations of your working hours and availability.
Communicating the types of work you are currently doing is also helpful. When I have a deep-work-type-of-task (a task requiring maximum attention and no distractions are allowed), I communicate that, ask not to be interrupted, and add this task to our shared to-do list or ask someone else to do it. Bonus point: I usually do this type of work earlier in the day when my energy is at its peak, and my family is already aware that I barely take any requests in this part of the day.
3. Talk to your children about prices
You don't need to go into rent and mortgage payment details - that is unnecessary. Make sure they know how much the piece of pastry costs. Give them some coins and let them pay for it. Feel free to count how much money they've had and how much they've spent.
Doing this will help you to build a bigger picture afterward. At some point, when your children ask you about why your job is essential, you can recall that situation, explaining that to get the money, you need to work and get paid for it.
4. Get your family members on board
It may not seem intuitive, but the family members who spend time with your children must continue painting the same picture you have started. You do not want their grandmother undermining your work or, even worse, shaming you for providing for the family.
5. Work from office
If applicable to your situation, schedule days to work from the office. If you work fully remote, then visit a local coffee place. You don't have to do that five days a week. Whatever works best for your situation. It all depends on the type and the amount of work you must do. A few hours of deep work without distractions at a coffee shop can lead to significant results and a sense of accomplishment. Bonus point for office people: your employer will be happy to see people returning, especially in today's post-pandemic environment.
I hope these pieces of advice will help you as much as they've helped me. If you feel like you are failing while trying to create some space for your work - do not stop trying. Analyze, adjust, and try again.